@jonnysun: starting to realize that maybe the only reason i go to see movies in theaters is so i dont hav to face my reflection during dimly lit scenes
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@envydatropic: Fact - If you add "ish" to your time, like 9:00ish, you're never late for anything
@jessokfine: This is a baby horse: it can walk 4 hours after it's born This is a baby human: don't touch its head wrong or you'll bonk its brain
@BradBroaddus: My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don't know why she got pissed when she found my "prospects" list.
@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.