@jonnysun: starting to realize that maybe the only reason i go to see movies in theaters is so i dont hav to face my reflection during dimly lit scenes
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@DanMentos: [terrorist meeting] "Let's hit Americans where they gather to shop" But how will we find these Targets? "Guys you're not gonna believe this"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: While never officially canonized by a Pope, Saint Patrick is widely recognized as the patron saint of Slytherin.
@Just__J0: Teaching 19 to cook, clean, and do laundry so if he ever gets married his wife won't divorce him and make him my responsibility again.
@deardilettante: At least there's one other woman who's more wasted than me in this emergency room. No, my mistake, she's got dementia.