@WoodyLuvsCoffee: STATUS: Using the flashlight on my phone to look for the keys that are in my hand so I can open my car cuz I think I left my phone in there.
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@MoistPork: I just typed "relationship" and it came up "delusional" on my phone. First time I realized my phone really is smart.
@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
@TuffyNyC: It's nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.
@GrowlyGrego: *wakes up in cold sweat* SHOULDN'T ELEVATORS BE CALLED SOMETHING ELSE ON THE WAY DOWN?