@KenJennings: Steal your neighbors' garden gnome. Send them a series of photos of the gnome lurking near various truck stop men's rooms.
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@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.
@radtoria: Spider Island Day 1: The arachnids are intelligent & friendly hosts. They even built me a hammock to ensure my comfort. Day 2: I was wrong.
@BubblesnBooze: Him: How would you describe yourself? Me: Face of an angel, body of a marshmallow and the mouth of a sailor.
@SteveAmiri: If I could be any X-Men I think I'd pick Professor X. Don't really care about the mind-reading stuff I just hate walking.