@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
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@Lakeoconeebldr: This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.
@Diversion50: [solicitor reading my will] "He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard".
@Jandalize: Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?