@ObscureGent: Stealing the candy is not the issue here. The real issue is why are you feeding your baby candy.
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@oria2326: I am so used to automatic doors at work that when I come across one I have to physically open I just stand there like a dummy
@internetluke: If Christian Bale has never cancelled a date and said "sorry to Bale on you" then I don't think he is living life to the fullest.
@reinert03: Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow.
@MichaelLarrick: Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.