@CarpentersCrack: Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: That does it! [bangs on upstairs neighbor's door] [Elephant on a pogo stick answers] Sup? Am I being too loud?
@OkieGirl405: Guns don't kill people People that have 5 kids, 1 cat, 2 ex-mother-in-laws & work 50 hours a week without wine in their life, kill people
@SuburbanSleuth: Kids are back to school & all I do is worry about their guinea pig. Is she lonely? Bored? Silly? I should probably hold her. I need a life.
@Thing_Finder: I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings.