@CarpentersCrack: Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.
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@KPsych29: I always wear black. That way I'm ready, at any given moment, for an impromptu night out or your funeral, whatever.
@gorrdano: How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: WOW. Look at those legs! Her: Thank you. M: They'd look great around my neck! H: Hey! M: Wish I'd brought my saw. H: WHAT?!? M: Nothing.