@TheOnion: Step down to the next rung of our ever-lowering journalistic standards.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
@aka_fatman: "What does your mother do for a living?" "She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur."
@ItsAndyRyan: "Everyone has at least one novel inside them" – Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift
@riesypiecey: Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance.