@Tmoney68: Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money's on LACK of intelligence.
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@QwertyJones3: If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs.
@VeganZebra: *drinking my first beer with my dad* "I can't believe you made me eat the other ones"
@mompsychologist: Sorry to all the people my 3yo has yelled at for eating ice cream in a car. Telling him it was illegal was wrong. I know this now.
@AnOrangeSNES: *An elf cop pulls Frodo riding an ent over* Elf Cop: Where ya going? Frodo: To throw a ring into a volcano! EC: Step out of the treehicle