@ElleOhHell: Stephen is a much nicer name than "hen from a previous marriage."
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@murrman5: [her thinking to herself in the restaurant] he seems nice and normal [me thinking to myself] she let the waiter twist her pepper 8 twists??
@SteussieErica: Marry the person who looks at you the way a Labrador looks at a tennis ball...obsessed, slightly crazed and probably drooling a little.
@MelvinofYork: As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some.
@DirtMcTurd: [texting drug dealer] "You around? I was gonna stop by." Yeah what are u looking for? "I stopped doing drugs, I just miss you"