@daemonic3: *gets down on one knee* Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?

@pattymo: Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn't have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get

@MarionDowling: BREAKING NEWS: A werewolf has apparently mated with the Loch Ness Monster. Please retweet to raise a Were Ness.

@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.

@RidiculousSheri: It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated. -Nervous Nelly