@jennandoah: Stick it to the man
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@LOUD_Thoughts_: I have a condition that I eat when I can't sleep. Its called Insom-nom-nom-nomnia.
@trojansauce: [as the bride enters the church and heads down the aisle] ME: *clapping* BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE BRIDE
@jergarl: Me: OMG I'm so tired. Ambien: Your wife would look AMAZING covered in mustard and chocolate chips. Me: I'm on it. A: And Cheetos. M: K.
@Alex_N_Chains: Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.