@jennandoah: Stick it to the man
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@_troyjohnson: 5yo: "Dad we don't have a chimney. How will Santa get in?" Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what? Me: what?
@torrami: Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working.
@KeetPotato: would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win £2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] "no thanks"
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? "You heard the song I was playing?" Cop: Yes I did, and now HERE I AM "ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE"