@YoungNobler: Sticking a $5 bill into a vending machine turns it into my grandmother, dispensing stale snacks and rare dollar coins.
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@I_Mee_Myself_: My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren't drying I swear to god...
@iwearaonesie: "If you get me to the next station I promise I'll never let you fall below half a tank again" - A Memoir
@GinAndJif: My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly. Oh no wait. I'm thinking of a lighthouse again.
@SaraESpivey: I turned my phone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.