@YoungNobler: Sticking a $5 bill into a vending machine turns it into my grandmother, dispensing stale snacks and rare dollar coins.
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@Holy_Mowgli: ROBBER: is this all the cash? CASHIER: yes but would you like to donate $1 to charity ROBBER [tears welling up inside his ski mask]: ok
@NYC_Blonde: Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES
@_correctomundo: I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.