@BigBang6000: Still complaining about the guy with a million followers taking credit for your tweets? Never had a boss have you?
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@Molly_Kats: A Victoria's Secret commercial will always come on when you're elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.
@Mothpete: I just sprayed hair glitter onto a fly instead of insect spray. Not dead... but pretty fly.
@SteveKoehler22: As the horse fell to the barn floor, he quickly pressed his Life Alert ... "Help...I've fallen and I can't giddyup !"