@imagine_vegas: Still haven't cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different
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@mynameisntdave: [diner] ME: I'll have the eggs, please WAITER: how would you like those? ME: painted and hidden for me to find, thank you.
@BackrowSeats: Some people might find a grown man talking to himself strange, & it's probably the couple sitting next to me.
@TheresNoGodzila: *gets on 1 knee* Me: I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but will you marry me? Her: Please get off my knee