@iamjeffsloan: Still super weird to me that humans can make other smaller humans. I wish mozzarella sticks could make other smaller mozzarella sticks.
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@rockymomax: [freezing huddled around fire] Dont worry I brought blankets to keep us warm *throws blankets on fire* that should last a good half hour
@IAmMikeFeeney: What they say: "Hey, have you lost weight?" What they mean: "Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"
@Storminika: I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'
@AmishPornStar1: Guys, if you waste the opportunity to sing Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" to other fellas at the urinals, you might as well just use a stall.