@gitson_shiggles: Still trying to convince my boss that I'm just using beer-flavoured toothpaste.
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@Lisabug74: I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
@briancthayer: *licks excess icing off mixer & spoon* Wife: Aww, thanks hun! Me: For what? W: Doing my dishes! M: Oh, I didn-- W: ... M: You're welcome.
@seamussaid: I wake my daughter up by tossing pebbles at her window so the first time a suitor tries she'll have the same response we do to alarm clocks