@palokin: Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it
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@ArfMeasures: ME: I'm gonna punch my boss right on the nose PRIEST: you can't tell me about sins in advance
@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
@thenatewolf: WIFE: You kept screaming “no, no, no, no, no” in your sleep. What were you dreaming about? ME: a well balanced diet and exercise
@SteveKoehler22: Real Road Signs (What they mean) "Rough road" (Road sucks) "Construction zone" (Unattended orange cone zone) "Lanes shift" (Confusing af)