@Pmerrily: Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
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@briangaar: The premise of Batman is that, deep down, all billionaires just want to be first-year patrol cops
@topaz_kell: When there's a police car behind you with their lights flashing... It means speed up, right?
@imadepoopstoday: Your water broke? Do I look like an idiot? You can't "break" water...get back to work.
@david8hughes: [pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha