@gorrdano: Stop being racist to kettles.
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@rockymomax: SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second
@mochanya: Just watched a commercial...How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?
@thenoahkinsey: I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason.
@Book_Krazy: *In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh