@SatansTongue: Stop calling hurricanes names, you're just giving them the attention that they want
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@Ham_Tornado: New children's book I'm working on: "Nobody poops but you, you disgusting little freak".
@humanwarnings: The next time I hang out with people who start making out in front of me, I'm going to start flossing my teeth in front of them.
@Bob_Janke: If your BF wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day
@IncrediblyRich: I'm going to skip home tonight because sometimes life is seriously brilliant. *throws confetti*