@markleggett: Stop complaining about the length of the Hobbit movies. Plays are 17 hours long. School plays are twice that.
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@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]
@Scigglez: Using the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," only shows that you're unoriginal and know nothing about spinal cord injuries.
@fightforfood: A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, "I don't speak dog," and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.
@Nahdude83: "Sir, how may I help you?" *swivels around in chair* -- A coffee please! "Did you bring that chair in here?" *reclines back* --- Maybe?