@Underchilde: Stop, drop and roll if your clothes are on fire or if you spot your ex under the mistletoe.
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@TweetsByTheTony: [ouija board] Who are you? *board begins spelling* G-R-E-E-N--M-A-R-I-O What the -- a Luigi Board?! W-A-H-O-O--I-T-S-A--M-E
@Hormonella: Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real... Him: Ma'am, please step out of the vehicle.
@wolfpupy: heres my To Do List - become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists
@Michael1979: VERY ANNOYED. My enemy keeps playing Hulk Hogan's theme song b4 I enter rooms. People then expect Hulk Hogan & are disappointed when it's me