@Dawn_M_: Stop giving me life advice, people who don't know how crocodiles have sex.
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@VinoTica: Him: You drank all that Coke? Me: Well, with my rum.. Him: ... Me: ... Me: How many beers did you have today? Him: Good talk, honey.
@djdarrellripley: Her: I'm sorry my baby keeps crying. He's got teeth coming in. Me: Well, don't worry, I'll sign for them...
@dafloydsta: [therapy] "Where does your fear of spiders come from?" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay