@noog: Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour.
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@underchilde: As a father, I would refuse to give my daughter away at her wedding on the grounds that I would have to be there.
@yerpalmildsauce: *noise* GF: there's somebody in the kitchen! ME: *already unsheathing my blade* that's where the food is
@MelKassel: *night falls, the full moon rises* ME: go, please! i don't want you to see me...like...this HIM: omg what's happening ME: *asleep by 10 pm*