@noog: Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour.
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@JasonCarney31: Jesus draws a bath after an exhausting day, gets in "Damn it, c'mon, not again!" he says as he sits on top of the water, unable to submerge
@Shock_Monster: Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting.