@BumpyRIde_: Stop putting famous names at the end of random quotes. - bob marley
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@NoTheOtherJohn: [God is taking a nap] Prankster Angel: Um yea hi, Abraham? This is God. *trying super hard not to laugh* You need to kill your son.
@SnellWarren: My mind is always on fast forward while my body's in slow motion. I'm just like that channel where the sound is out-of-sync w/ the picture.
@jazmasta: [making small talk at a business function] "You're 35 aren't you?" "No, I'm 38" "Oh right" [long silence] "Did you used to be 35?"
@WineMummy: The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.