@MikeDrucker: Stop saying "11/11/11" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: You should cut your toenails. Wife: Huh? M: You're scratching my leg. W: I'm WAY on the other side of the bed! M: That's kinda my point.
@Lilbyrdy: My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.
@AsgardianRose: I’m bored. I’m going to text my ex boyfriends and say “I have to talk to you, it’s important” and then not answer the phone for 6 days.
@ch000ch: honestly it just makes me fat free italian when u tell me salad dressings aren't a good way to describe emotions