@MikeDrucker: Stop saying "11/11/11" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works.
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@RevReee: I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
@parhwy: My favourite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Saw a homeless white girl begging for money. I didn't give her any, because I know how they are, always blowing it on Starbucks.