@donni: Stop saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sick of fish seducing all our human women!
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@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!
@dysalexia: Next time you're on a date and someone asks "Is that your boyfriend or your brother?" smile really creepy and whisper "Both".
@michaelianblack: The whole thing about "we're all going to die some day," that's a joke, right?