@donni: Stop saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sick of fish seducing all our human women!
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@AmericanGent69: Saying "oh my gosh you're getting so big!" is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend.
@daplusk: I've never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three year old toddler over my shoulder
@THEDUTHCHESS: A poster with a mugshot saying "Have you seen this man" So I rang up and said No. You have to do your bit for society .
@MarlonBrandNO: [Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved