@FuckabillyRex: Stop talking about being sad. Use a bigger word like despondent so people will at least think you're an intelligent cry baby.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@simoncholland: [Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?
@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.
@TheAlexNevil: Me (to 7): Son, we... Wife (in earpiece): have to talk M: Have to talk W: about girls M: About grills W: NO M: NO W: IDIOT M: IDIOT