@mikeleffingwell: STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@ericsshadow: [wife checking on me and the kids] Hello "I called the house, you didn't answer." I went out. "Ok. Well how have they been?" How's who been?
@ThisLocalHater: I am in my truest form when the food comes at a restaurant and I side-eye plates, suspicious that everyone got more fries than I did.
@LennoxTruman: "Sure it's a dental PRACTICE, but dont fret, I know what I'm doing. Open wide." *opens wide* "Ok which ones are the teeths? Where are teeth"