@mikeleffingwell: STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DanMentos: [guy from the 50s arrives in a time machine] "Who's president?" Barack Obama "Braco? Sounds Mexican" Nope "Whew" You might want to sit down
@Cpin42: In the beginning, people laughed at my penguin army. No one’s laughing now. I’m receiving treatment and everyone’s been really supportive.
@professorxavi: *Cute girls approaches* "You keep glancing over here, so I thought I'd come make the first move" *Panics* *Starts making car alarm sounds*
@Black__Elvis: Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing.