@thesupergrobi: Stop telling men beards alone will make women love them when everyone knows they need to play the guitar too.
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@cwhudson: BULLY: [rolling up sleeves] you wanna take this outside? ME: yes, yes i do. it's so beautiful out there today. a truly gorgeous day
@BwanaChris: Pro Tip : Don't shout at a mate going through airport security "You are the bomb dude, you are the bomb !!"
@flashember: DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight
@girl_a_whirl: [Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a pogo stick] "The" *bounce* "British" *bounce* "are" *bounce* "coming!!" *bounce* *bounce*