@ericsshadow: STOP TEXTING ME. IF I EVER PLANNED ON TALKING TO YOU AGAIN I WOULDN'T HAVE BORROWED ALL THAT MONEY.
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@_Ashley_Jordan: I'm going to walk up to strangers and ask "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes, I will hand them a photo of me and walk away.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.
@MichaelTrying: How many times does it have to be aliens before Scully believes? How many times does it have to be a guy in a mask before Shaggy doesn't?
@weinerdog4life: I bought a bowflex, it's very confusing, how do I muscles? do I eat it? do I eat the bowflex?