@ericsshadow: "Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn't have stolen all your jewelry."
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@missrobotnik: The ladies in my knitting club think it's hilarious when I greet them by saying, "Sup, my knittas?!"
@hyperblastchic: I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish. No YOU'VE been drinking.
@TheAlexNevil: *watching an old Lassie show Me: How come you can't do those things? Dog (mutters): If we had a well I'd push you into it.
@MarfSalvador: Him: Shall we have sex? Her: I want to wait til we're married Him: Ugh fine Priest: Shall I continue?