@ericsshadow: "Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn't have stolen all your jewelry."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@InternetHippo: COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer
@AdamWeinstein: "WE HERE AT BIG PHARMA RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN YOU'RE DEPENDENT ON ADDICTIVE OPIOID PAINKILLERS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS YOU CAN'T POOP"
@Ilovelamp1979: My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea