@tigdonovan: Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit
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@AristotlesNZ: Turns out the easiest way to piss of a vegan is to refer to their veganism as their "eating disorder".
@david8hughes: [police interrogation] "What do you do for a living?" "Drug dealer." "Louder, for the tape." [leans in] "Bug healer. I heal bugs."
@buhsbaby_baby: "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses" -I remind myself as I flirt with the fire extinguisher I've mistaken for a cute guy