@tigdonovan: Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit
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@sixfootcandy: My waxer just told me a hilarious story about ripping out a client's tampon during a bikini wax. I guess she doesn't remember me.
@jennyandteets: Holding a friend's phone for her. Just texted "put a ring on it" to five random male names. Stay tuned.
@iGreenMonk: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replied, "I know. I saw your tweet!"