@LoveNLunchmeat: STOP WHINING KIDS! If mommy wants to listen to a bunch of people whining for no reason, she'll log into twitter.
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@shawnspree: Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman.
@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me.
@Jazzzzzmina: How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy? There's some things I've licked that I don't want.