@EndhooS: [storming out of the bedroom in a novelty banana costume] YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID THINGS WERE GETTING TOO PREDICTABLE KAREN...
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@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds
@truegritrumble: All I do is answer emails all day. I don't care whose emails. If I see an email, I answer it. No open computer is safe. My family is worried
@TheresNoGodzila: Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
@jazmasta: Everyone said it was a bad idea to store glue in the same cabinet as my rifles but I'm sticking to my guns.