@DeathStarPR: Stormtroopers never miss. They're just trained to fire a 21 shot salute to celebrate the commencement of every firefight.
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@UncleDuke1969: The worst part about "Friends" being canceled is that I've now been stuck with Rachel's last haircut since 2004.
@mommajessiec: Other Mom: We just got back from a trip to the Caribbean, so we are trying to get our life back to normal. You know how it is. Me: Totally. We just got back from a trip to the grocery store.
@jenlaw_11: Be careful of what you say online because future employers might see it and will probably want to start hanging out with you
@krautsider: Top 4 horrified face expressions: 4. dragged away by crocodile 3. stabbed by serial killer 2. mauled by bear 1. no toilet paper