@MakeupHaxs: Story of my life.
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@gumdropheaven: I eat children for a living You what? I said I feed children Oh haha thought you sa- TO MY MOUTH
@JessiCanadian: I wish I could see the look of surprise and wonder on my son's face when he opens his lunchbox full of tampons today. Payback for talkback.
@Amburglar_: My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
@Sarcasticsapien: If life were a romantic comedy I would be the guy on a date with the girl when the male lead makes his grand gesture that wins her back.