@MakeupHaxs: Story of my life.
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@jonnysun: "911 wats ur emergency" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number
@VinoTica: Him: You drank all that Coke? Me: Well, with my rum.. Him: ... Me: ... Me: How many beers did you have today? Him: Good talk, honey.
@clindsaysway: Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.
@rationalists: Republicans say they're not satisfied with Michele Obama's speech because she didn't give it from her kitchen.