@MakeupHaxs: Story of my life.
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@GrantTanaka: son: I don't think he likes me wife: your dad just has a hard time showing affection me: [holding bag of doritos] GOD I LOVE DORITOS
@shashaintl: Him: Are you gonna kill me? Me: WHAT? Him: Your mood swings. I figured today's the day I die. Me: Him: *whispers* Please don't hurt me.
@gerryhallcomedy: Dear guy who parked his Lexus across two parking spaces: Your car got paint on my keys.
@INDlAN_: [2:30AM] *it’s quite late now. Let’s make a call* *Hey Boss, are you sleepin?* [Yes you nerd, why?] *cause I’m still doing your stupid work*