@MakeupHaxs: Story of my life.
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@rachaelkelly18: I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes
@Elizasoul80: I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.
@DanKCharnley: No matter what meal it is, always say you had "brunch" so people know how much better than them you are.
@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*