@DeanB15: Straight guys on twitter, If you haven't been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what's wrong with you.
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@BuckyIsotope: *doctor looks up* I'm afraid you have forgetting about 80's bands disease "Oh god what's The Cure?" *doctor sighs* It's worse than I thought
@LizHackett: THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this.
@2tickytacky: I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
@HaramiParindey: Interviewer : What are your expectations? Me : Job. Interviewer : I mean what do you want from this job? Me : Salary