@DeanB15: Straight guys on twitter, If you haven't been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what's wrong with you.
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@Donna_McCoy: *my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground* me, knocking from inside: "Wait, I have to pee."
@1Happytwit: This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before.
@Black__Elvis: I was in an Arby's bathroom taking a leak and the urinal cake fell to the floor but it was there for less than 5 seconds so I still ate it.