@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: According to Facebook, Sept. 11th is about posting as many pictures of crying bald eagles obscured by an American flag as you can.
@huntigula: Me: If Obi-Wan's clothes remained after Vader killed him, then why wasn't ghost Obi-Wan naked? My date: [to waiter] Check, please.
@Weird_Rash: If you’ve ever accidentally stepped on a cat’s tail, you’ve seen my wife’s sex face.