@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
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@LostLettermen: In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH.
@AndyAsAdjective: When the chips are down, be a good friend & say a few kind words to the chips. See if that helps.
@MableGertrude: I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.
@C3Ballin: Life was simpler when photo albums were books containing pleasant family snaps and not digital online librarys of me puking in a shoe.