@badteacher4u: Strangely enough, yelling "I have a masters degree!" at this electric wine opener is not helping me figure out how to make it work. Weird.
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@UncleDuke1969: "I'm calling you because you're easy." "You're not even very good." "You're just the best I can do this late." Dominos: "Your order, Sir?"
@SteveKoehler22: When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" And she answers "No, who wrote it?" .... Keep moving.
@man_spach: Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month.
@byronblurb: Me: My head hasn't been in the right place lately. GF: You might want to check up your ass.