@Dawn_M_: Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.
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@AndyAsAdjective: my dance moves can best be described as "did that dude just try to leap frog?" & "whoa that's a lot of blood" & "is he still alive?"
@realHamOnWry: What did I learn getting fired today? Never walk behind your boss, poke his bald spot and yell, "Hey, you've got a hole in your haircut".
@Sarcasticsapien: Why can't we edit tweets? Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."
@jumpdashark: My tombstone will read: If You Don't Know Me By Now, You Will Never Ever Ever Know Me.