@donni: Strawberry is a terrible name. "Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw," you'd think. But you'd be wrong
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@iwearaonesie: wife *opens First Aid kit* me: wife: Why would you fill it with Cheetos? me [bleeding] It was funny at the time
@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're just going to take them to an IKEA instead.
@UnfilteredMama: It’s too bad my sister wasn’t kinder to me in middle school. **orders nephew a bullhorn for Christmas**