@treydayway: "Stressed" backwards is "desserts" so chill and have that cupcake.
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@LilMamacitaDont: I tweeted about Darth Vader wearing Depends earlier. Since then, two Vaders and have "followed" me. I'm getting choked tonite. Help.
@shadygrenade: License and registration please. "Bears." Excuse me? "Beaaaaars." Are you drunk sir? "BEAAAARS!" Stop saying bea- *cop is mauled by bears*
@Reel2Dialog2: [playing poker] "I'm all in" *slowly pushes a half-eaten burrito and a cat to middle of the table*
@lovemydogduck: The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.