@envydatropic: Stuck between "that was awesome" and "OMG do you need medical attention" wherever I walk off the dance floor
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@captaincoximus: If I could pick a superpower it would be to clone myself so the other me could answer the 4,291,386 questions my 4 year old asks daily
@mejustbeth: It seems like I only lose weight when I don't buy ice cream. Can someone else start buying my ice cream for me please?
@ShesAllNat: Mattel is launching a new Twitter Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box
@AaronFullerton: Really, every section of the greeting card aisle could be called "Societal Obligation."