@envydatropic: Stuck between "that was awesome" and "OMG do you need medical attention" wherever I walk off the dance floor
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@EndhooS: [Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?
@Rlpihl: [raises hand in math class] HOW DO PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE SPAM CORPORATION KNOW WHEN THEY'RE GETTING UNSOLICITED EMAIL?
@Schmoodles: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
@WilliamRodgers: Bro: Dude, is this YOUR Shakira CD??? Me: What? No....it's my wife's..... Hips: No.... It's his... Me: Shut up Hips!