@envydatropic: Stuck between "that was awesome" and "OMG do you need medical attention" wherever I walk off the dance floor
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@weinerdog4life: Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?
@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
@AdamTheLobster: I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.