@TheTweetOfGod: Stuck in church. Everyone’s singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”. Damn, My son has some stupid friends.
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@Mehrwane: Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think.
@david8hughes: [first day as Niagara Falls tour guide] And to the left you can see [frantically flips through your guide] water.
@THEDUTHCHESS: Yesterday 9 asked what's the meaning of life and 6 punched him, but that was yesterday when I was on acid. Numbers don't usually talk to me.