@TheTweetOfGod: Stuck in church. Everyone’s singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”. Damn, My son has some stupid friends.
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@beckyiniowa: If the head of CIA can't even hide his own affair it's pretty safe to say there were no aliens at Roswell and we really went to the moon.
@hazelmotes1: Superman: I'm my own worst enemy. Lex Luthor: oh. That's nice. I'm literally standing right here.
@Book_Krazy: [Gym] Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake! Me: "Jake?" *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into my bag & back out of the room*
@biggt1973: Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana