@TheTweetOfGod: Stuck in church. Everyone’s singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”. Damn, My son has some stupid friends.
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@squirrel74wkgn: No one talks to you on the bus when you're shaking a box of Milk Duds that your head phones are plugged into.
@BlindChow: 911: what's your emergency? me: what's YOUR emergency? 911: *starts crying* omg no one's ever asked me that before! me: jk I've been stabbed
@P0tterhead_394: My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her.
@jferg1616: Best Buy: What's your street name? Me: FUNK MASTER FERG bia bia! Best Buy: No, the name of your street.