@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
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@YeahDrewisOn: I've learned there are two types of people in this world: People I trust to help me bury bodies... ...and bodies
@mrsmith196645: 911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry.
@FakeDeanAccount: I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.