@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
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@Laser_Cat: Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
@SteveSuckington: Me: omg can smoking weed make u hallucinate? Dog making pancakes: lol that wasn't weed dude
@Jamdug: Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure" *walks up to girl* *whispers* "magnanimous"
@GashleyMadison: [at bank] *slides teller a note* Teller: Me: T: M: [winks] T: Seriously!? M: uh huh T: M: T: *slides me a lollipop*