@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
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@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: Give me your wallet! Me: Back off! I know karate. *later* Me: Well, he called my bluff. Doctor: You have lost a lot of blood.
@julie2288: Pregnancy tests in movies are so weird... She hands him the test and he stands there holding this stick of pee like it isn't a stick of pee
@Shock_Monster: If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn't have super sized that fry order.
@wesleybordelon: Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section.