@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
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@ehdannyboy: I was running for a bus but I just missed it and had to pretend i didn't want it in the first place so kept running now I'm in Belgium
@DirtyMelodies: I want my boyfriend to get a tattoo on his neck so I won't have to worry about him getting a job and not having time to hang out with me.
@RajatSaysItAll: "There are 2 seats. Which one do you want?" "Right one for me." "And you?" "Am I left with any choice?"
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*