@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
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@lurie_john: January 27th is Mozart's birthday. Mozart died at 34 years old. Had he lived he would be 259 years old on Tuesday
@armyVet1972: 1997: Skynet becomes self-aware 2029: T-1s are sent to kill Sarah Connor 2034: Warranty expires on T-1s. 99% of them break down within hours
@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
@GBRougecity: "What a nice doggie." "I'll have you know it's not a doggie but a pure bred." "YOU HAVE A DOG MADE OUT OF BREAD??!!!!"