@MythicPicnic: Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
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@Im_Tricia: Mom: "Do you want this?" Me: "No." Mom: "Ok I'll give it to your brother." Me: "No I want it."
@trevso_electric: Just once, I'd like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
@grimpossible: Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
@NicCageMatch: Ugh why is my bag so heavy? *goes through bag* ok keys, wallet, book, sandwich, water, anvil, other sandwich, human baby, no I need all this