@MythicPicnic: Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
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@markleggett: Stop complaining about the length of the Hobbit movies. Plays are 17 hours long. School plays are twice that.
@GreenishDuck: When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.