@SamGrittner: "Stuff that alligator in that dolphin" - God creating sharks
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@moooooog35: [1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need
@somelightcrying: Ever find a mirror that makes you look really good and you're like oh OK this is where I live now I live in this airport restroom now
@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.