@moooooog35: [1st day in Senate]
Me: I'm against genetic engineering
Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs
Me: How much funding do you need
@somelightcrying: Ever find a mirror that makes you look really good and you're like oh OK this is where I live now I live in this airport restroom now
@wickedsuga: Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
*reason #42 why I can't fall asleep
@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
@weinerdog4life: Wanna piss a rhinoceros off? Hang his car keys on his nose.
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