@InnocentMarina6: Stupid Autocorrect you're always posting some thong you didn't Nintendo
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@msbhaven81: I tried killing a spider with kindness, but found that a shoe was much more effective
@bigTman001: Cop: You know why I pulled you over sir? Me: Because you suck at finding rapists, murders, molesters, thieves, and arsonists?
@MarlonBrandNO: [Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved